Phyllis Ann (Clarke) Leiker was born on July 3rd, 1935 in Carbondale IL to Cedric and Leah (Harrell) Clarke She moved to Mt. Vernon IL at an early age, where she spent her formative years. She graduated from Mt. Vernon Township H.S. in 1953. While in high school, mom participated in a number of school activities. Most all had to do with some sort of singing…. Pep Club, Chorus, Operetta, State Music Contest, Christmas Musical, Drama Club, Musical Ensemble, Variety Show. Just to throw a little something different in her activities and broaden her horizons, she also participated in Spanish Club, Nurses Club and Chemistry Club. I think it’s pretty obvious that mom had a love of music. She even cut a record with several of her girlfriends at a local recording studio. Funny, when we (my sister and I), and I am not sure my sister felt the same way, were growing up, mom used to use her amazing set of pipes in church. She never hesitated to sing hymns out loud. I can remember being embarrassed by mom, who unabashedly, would just let it rip. Looking back, mom had such an amazing voice, but as a young man it made me uncomfortable that mom would take over a church hymn and put everyone on notice that she was the best singer in the congregation. Mom never did that for the “look at me” response. She just truly loved to sing. And people that knew mom, knew that she was very unassuming and didn’t need to be the center of attention. But did I say she could sing?!?
Mom knew she always wanted to be a nurse, and because she had a classmate that went to a nursing school “out in the middle of nowhere” i.e, Hays KS, she decided that she would board a train and head west. It would have been easier for her to go to school somewhere in St. Louis, or even KC, but it must have been fate, because mom went to St. Anthony’s School of Nursing in Hays Kansas, where she would eventually meet the man of her dreams, no not Elvis, but rather our dad, Merlyn J. Leiker.
Mom and dad gave credence to the old adage “Opposites Attract”. Mom was a girly girl through and through. She wore nice clothes and makeup all the time. Don’t confuse the girly girl with high maintenance because that she wasn’t. Mom was incredibly independent and was just used to nice things. Dad was the opposite. While he was no country boy, he came from a large family and didn’t have a whole lot of “things” like mom did. Never the less, mom was smitten with dad and his family.
Mom graduated from St. Anthony’s in 1956, but never really had the opportunity to start a career as most people would define it. Mom had moved back to Mt. Vernon to work in a doctor’s office, and during that year of employment, she took a brief vacation from work to travel to Ft. Devens Mass to take care of a small matter…..get married to dad. Dad also had had career aspirations and in 1956 he had enlisted in the United States Army.
Mom and dad spent the next 21 years on their honeymoon: Ft. Huachuca AZ; Ft. Devens Mass, where Mark was born (and they returned there 2 other times); Tehran Iran, where Leasa was born; Stockholm Sweden, LaPaz Bolivia, Madrid Spain and Bangkok Thailand.
My sister and I feel so fortunate that we were able to accompany our parents on their “honeymoon”. Mom worked as a nurse in almost all of dad’s duty stations. She worked as an ER nurse, a recovery nurse, a floor nurse, and a pediatric nurse. I am sure she worked in other nursing roles, I just don’t remember what they were. I remember asking her once why she never took a commission as an officer in the US Army. She told us she wouldn’t feel right because she would outrank dad, and that just wasn’t something that was proper in her day.
Mom enjoyed her time with dad in the military. She spoke proudly of the people dad served with and the job that he did. She maintained lasting friendships with several of the families that they had met in their world travels.
After dad retired, they moved back to Hays Kansas where mom got to do what she loved doing best, being a mom and being a nurse. She went back to St. Anthony’s Hospital and worked for several years and after “retiring” from there she couldn’t just stay at home, so she worked as a home health nurse. After getting out of the home health field, mom finally decided it was time to take it easy.
After dad passed away and mom didn’t feel like she had anyone to take care of, because that had always been her nature, she decided she would volunteer and help to deliver meals through the “Meals on Wheels” program. It was always funny to hear mom explain what she had on her calendar for the day she was volunteering. “I have to go deliver food to the little old ladies” or “I have to deliver food to the old folks”. Now mind you, she was making these statements when she herself was in her late sixties and early seventies and the people getting the meals were in reality, not a whole lot older than her.
That leads me to another great quality about our mom. She was young at heart. She enjoyed being around kids and teenagers as much as she liked being around people her own age. When we were growing up, she often engaged our friends in conversation when they would come to the house. She maintained friendships with several of Leasa’s friends.
I had explained earlier how mom was an independent woman growing up, well, I think the independent streak kicked again. When mom and dad where married, dad took care of all the financial matters, so mom never had to concern herself with such things. Dad, like most men during that time, drove everywhere; chauffeuring mom on vacations, appointments, shopping. If they were together, dad almost always drove.
After dad passed away in 2003, mom lived independently in Hays for 10 years. She would tell us that without dad being around, there was really no reason to stay there. She had a couple of close friends in Hays, but most of her closest friends were ladies she had met in the military.
When she decided it was time to finally pack up, she took it upon herself to make the move to Overland Park, KS. Mom settled into her new house in Wynnefield and took up right where she left off. After a few rides with other people to familiarize herself with the area, she ventured out on her own to restaurants with her neighborhood lady friends. She drove to the grocery stores, hair appointments, and doctor’s appointments. She settled right in. She set up new bank accounts, sought out a financial planner and took care of all of her monetary obligations, and because of her independence, she did it all on her own.
By this time, mom had great grandkids, and in spite of her age, she would volunteer to watch the “littles”. They tried my patience and wore me out, but mom was honored to be able to sit with them.
It wasn’t beyond mom to decide that it was time for a road trip. While living by herself in Hays, she would load up her van and take a trip to Colorado to visit Leasa. It scared the heck out of me that she would do it, but mom was fearless and would tell me to quit worrying about it. I think it aggravated her that we would worry about her when she went on one of her “road trips”. It was like the times had reversed. It was like my sister and I became the parents and we worried when mom was out on the road.
After dad passed away, one of the things mom really enjoyed doing was rekindling old friendships that my parents had made while dad was in the Army. Dad’s old military unit would have a reunion every two years, and mom was adamant about going. She wasn’t keen on flying anymore and my sister and I weren’t too keen on her driving to some of the reunions by herself because of the distances to the cities in which they were held. So invariably, someone would wind up taking her to the Super Group reunions, where she could spend several days reminiscing about the past with friends and reliving events that significantly impacted our parent’s lives. If mom heard a story once, she heard it a million times, but it made no difference to her.
Mom never spoke disparagingly of anyone. While there may have been people that she didn’t like, you would never know. She never had a cross word to say to anyone, unless she was behind the wheel of her car, and then, of course, it was everyone else that was a bad driver. She didn’t gossip, but would always criticize the “Mrs Kravitzes” of the neighborhood that did. She truly believed that nothing good came from gossip.
Mom’s diagnosis of cancer was a shock to all of us. She was so healthy. She kept up with the “littles”. She took her dog for a walk twice a day. She stayed active and didn’t show any signs of slowing down. She lived her life to the fullest. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she promised she wouldn’t quit, and she never did. It wasn’t cancer that finally took mom from us, but rather complications as a result of the treatment. She fought hard and her independent streak in her made her stubborn. She wasn’t going to go easily. She battled this all with dignity, humor and kindness. She was more concerned about other people’s welfare and what they were experiencing, more than she was her own. Even when she was too weak to talk, in spite of the pain and how she was suffering, she would smile when family would walk in the door, or the great nurses at KUMC would engage her in some friendly one way banter. Mom never once really complained about pain. I think she didn’t want people to really concern themselves with her, but rather take care of themselves.
For those of you who have taken the time to read all of this, thanks. Sorry it is so long, but in reality it’s not anywhere close to long enough to truly convey mom’s impact on our lives and the lives of the people she touched.
It is said that nurses are angels without wings. Our mom, mother-in-law, Meems and MeMe, was truly an angel. The only difference between her being here with us and her being with dad and all of her departed friends is that while she will always be a nurse, she now has her wings.
We love you mom. Always have and always will!!!
In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to: Kansas City Hospice House, 12000 Wornall Rd., Kansas City, MO 64145